Counting my birthday blessings

I am 35 today. I've really been dreading it for a few weeks now. I don't know why, I just didn't want to be 35 years old. People who are 35 are grown up with lots of kids and resposibilities and stuff...oh wait...that's ME!

SO...as I woke up this morning, I decided that since I couldn't change things, they are what they are, I am indeed 35 years old; I was going to get all the kids and John off to school and work, and curl up in my favorite big, round chair and spend completely unhurried, untimed, unagendad (I know it's not a word, but work with me here) time with God. I was desperate for His presence, for His peace, for His love. He didn't stand me up, He showed up just like the faithful Daddy that He is. I love Him in this moment more than I know how to put into words. I love Him because He has loved me and loved me well.

God didn't show up today empty handed on my birthday, either, because you see, He loves to give good gifts. My birthday gift from God today was like a video of sorts reminding me of 35 years of blessings, 35 years of God's faithfulness in my life, 35 years of walking in His goodness, 35 years of getting to know Him more and more. You see, I gave my life to Him when I was eight years old, but I still believe that as a child, He was with me even before that night when I acknowledged how much I needed and wanted Him in my life.

My life has not been picture perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I can even remember a very Godly woman asking me when I was still a teenager if I ever felt like Job. I assured her that I did indeed, but that I also believed in the same God as Job as well.

From the drama of puberty, to my parents divorcing in the middle of my teen years and then the fiery hell I lived through in the years that followed that to running into a teen pregnancy and marriage just to escape that hell and just landing in another one, to watching my brother, my Godly anchor who prayed over me more than I will ever know, die of cancer and through so many, many more trials and hardships one thing has never changed. God is faithful. He has never left me, He has never abandoned me, He has never disappointed me. God has held me tight, and I can never be snatched out of His hand. He has faithfully carried me through every single hurt and hard time I've ever experienced, and He has made me grateful for those times because I know of His faithfulness. I know of His provision. I know of His protection. I know His grace and forgiveness. I know His comfort. I know His strength. I know His friendship. I know His peace.

God has given me 35 years to seek Him and know Him. I pray that for every day, week, month, year that He gives me beyond this, that I will continue to know Him more and more through every trial, every valley, every deep water, and every mountaintop. And...I pray that you will, too.

"But now, this is what the LORD says-he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel; 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the water, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior'" Isaiah 43:1-3a