Looking Back at 2008

As I look back over this year, I can only describe it one way...the year of God's abundant blessing poured out over me and my family. Why? My only answer to that is because even though I don't deserve it, God loves to lavish His love on us, to pour out His blessings on us when we are faithful and obedient to Him. Maybe that is just it, maybe that is why I have seen His hand in every single step we've made this year, maybe because for this entire year, I have prayed for His direction, His leadership, His provision, and for my own heart and life to be changed. He has been faithful to do all of it because I have FINALLY surrendered my own wishes and wants and desires to His. Am I perfect in it? No. Do I still have to daily lay my life down and take up my cross and follow Him? ABSOLUTELY!! Is it worth it? More than anything else. Do I still have giants to face and things in my heart God needs to refine in the fire? Most definitely. Does He have a plan for doing just that? Yes. In fact, we are about to start studying David in Sunday school and using Max Lucado's book, "Facing Your Giants". Coincidence...no I don't believe in coincidence...God has a plan, and in His time, He will show me what that plan is. For now, I will do what He has been asking me all year to do...seek Him first and everything else will be added.

For those of you brave enough to go the length of this post (I'm sure it will be quite long!) I will give you this year in review...the year of God's amazing blessings. Otherwise, this is as good a stopping place as any!! lol!

This time last year: I was at my absolute wits end with Joy's school. Her teacher was horrible, her principal was covering everything up and defending the teacher, even when every parent in the classroom was complaining and taking their complaints to admin...to no avail. I was ready to homeschool!! At the same time, it was the 3rd anniversary of my brother's death and we were all feeling the effects of it. I just ducked my head and got through Christmas. It was bad. I actually hated Christmas. How had it gone that far, how had I gone that far?? Was Christmas always going to be that hard? Somehow, my joy was lost in missing Joe.

We rang in 2008, and I didn't want to make new year resolutions, it felt silly to commit to doing things that I would have completely forgotten about by Valentine's. But, I did do this; I got on my knees and prayed for a better year. I prayed for God's help. I prayed, probably for the first time really meaning it, for God to change ME, to change my heart and make me more like Him. (I also told Him He had to figure out a way to get us out of Cedar Hill or change something because no way was Jenna gonna start Kindergarten in that school and Joy was never going back either!) I layed everything out at His feet, and let go, I told Him I couldn't do it anymore. Wasn't that what He was waiting for all along? For me to surrender COMPLETELY, EVERYTHING?? Well...it's time to buckle your seat belt because God did change things, He changed everything!!!

We had been praying about selling our house and moving for about three years, but God had been telling us to wait, it wasn't time. We had debt, and He wouldn't allow us to sell and move with that debt. Well, I guess at the beginning of January, God was finally saying it was time and we began getting our house ready to sell. We needed all new carpet, God provided. We needed a whole new backyard AND fence, God provided. We still had debt, big debt, again God provided...debt wiped clean. We were finally ready to put our house on the market in the middle of March as the market keeps getting worse and worse and worse and nothing around us is moving at all...God doesn't look at the market, He checks His own calendar. Our house sold in two weeks.

We moved to Prosper in the middle of May. We didn't even know Prosper existed when we sold our house. We were looking in Frisco. God wanted us here, in this house, in this neighborhood, in Prosper. It is too long of a story to type out, but let me just say...ALL GOD!!

Was He done blessing at that point? Not by a long shot. This is when the real work began, when He began to change me, to change my heart. I discovered the Christian author, Karen Kingsbury, this summer. I devoured twenty-something books in two months. If you haven't read her books, you should. God used these books to show me what was missing in my life...my heart. He showed me that I wasn't loving with my whole heart, I wasn't living with my whole heart. My heart was completely shut down and locked far, far away and deep. You see, I had been hurt very deeply by very close family when I was a teenager, and I had locked my heart away and shut down out of pure survival. Problem is, I never came out of hiding even though the hurting was over and my life was far different now than it was way back then. So, I began to pray for God to heal my brokeness and teach me how to love deeply, how to love my husband the way He meant for me to, how to love my children the way He meant for me to, how to LOVE. God said, "Okay, I'll get right on that!" Wow! I had no idea how painful that was going to be, the things I was finally going to have to face, and the forgiveness I was finally going to have to give. My friend, Krissi, described it like a bad burn that needed to be debrieded (sp?). Extremely painful as God began scrubbing away the caloused layers of my heart until He finally hit new flesh. It was a lot, and it seemed to be going at break-neck speed, but God was changing me, and excrutiating as it was, it was good. In the middle of all of this, God led us to a new church. We knew the very first time we went that it was the church God wanted us to call home. All six of us agreed that our church search was over, and FBC Prosper was the one. We have an amazing pastor who boldly speaks such sound biblical truth, and we have been like dry sponges tossed into the ocean soaking it all up. The Holy Spirit is very much present and active in this church! One of things we had to do in order to join this church was to share our testimony with the pastor. Oh boy!! Don't forget, I was right in the middle of having my heart debrieded by God!! My testimony was painful especially right then, but looking back now, it was all part of God's plan to teach me to be open and vulnerable again, to allow my heart to show. So I went and met with him, and shared my testimony with him (shaking like a leaf in blustery wind the whole time). I am shaking again right now just thinking about it!! But, God used him to speak truth over me, and he gave me some great wisdom that I needed desperately and I will cling to always. When I walked away from that meeting, I was finally able to forgive the person who had hurt me so badly all those years ago. I had no idea until then just how heavy the burden I had been carrying all those years. Talk about a diet, I lost a HUGE weight that day!! God has continued to bless us beyond measure in this church. We have already met so many new friends and are building relationships that I never dreamed possible when we moved. In only a few short months, these people have become very dear to me, and I love them so much already! Maybe because my heart is open...hmmmm....???

Then it was time for school to start. This year, all four of our kids were starting school. They were all nervous. Jared was starting his sophomore year in high school...not an easy time to start in a new school in a new town. Jacob was starting middle school (7th grade), Joy was starting 4th grade and my baby, Jenna was starting Kindergarten. She was very excited...I was NOT!! Again, God had His hand in it all. Prosper schools are AWESOME!! All four kids have settled in very well, and even Jared is now glad we moved here!! Also, it turns out that our superintendant is Jacob's Sunday school teacher. For those of you who know Jacob very well, go ahead and laugh at the irony, we did. Jacob is doing fabulous in school this year. If that were the only reason God brought us here, it would have been enough!! Jacob has changed more this year than anyone...not to mention he has grown about 8 inches since last Christmas! He is now taller than Jared and me and if he continues his current growth rate, he will be taller than John by Valentine's. God has truly blessed us!!

Then the holidays rolled around, and I prayed that this year would be different. I didn't want to just duck my head and make it through. God had taught me so much about Himself and had worked such miraculous change in my heart and had grown me so much this year that I desperately wanted the holidays to be different. God is so faithful. Yes, I still had hard days where I missed Joe so badly I could hardly breathe, but it was different this year. It was different because I was different. My faith ran so much deeper, my trust ran so much deeper. My love ran so much deeper...God had answered so many prayers. Christmas was amazing this year. Not because there were lots of presents under the tree because there weren't, but because Jesus was there in the middle of it all. My heart has overflowed with abundant joy because I am forgiven, because I am redeemed, because I am loved by the King of kings, because my heart is open to be filled with joy and love.

I am sad to say goodbye to 2008 because I will always remember it as an amazing year, but at the same time, God isn't done yet and what in the world does He have in store for 2009?! He hasn't done all this work on me for nothing!! He has a plan....

I hope you had a Christmas filled with joy, and I pray your new year is blessed beyond measure.

LOVE,
Jill